Through The Doors Of Insanity
by Queen of Curses
Summary: (COMPLETED) Yuki is rushing to get to school for a meeting. But it seems like EVERYONE is after him. Oh, yeah, by the way, everyone in this fic is quite OOC. Slight yaoi, too. (HAPPY B-DAY TO AGENT CLOUD SKIMMER! Her b-day was on June 4, fyi.)


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Through the Doors of Insanity

By Queen of Curses

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Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket in any way. I just play around with the characters like dolls.

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Summary: Yuki is rushing to get to school for a meeting. But it seems like EVERYONE is after him. Oh, yeah, by the way, everyone in this fic is quite OOC. (PG13 just to be safe) (B-day present for **Agent Cloud Skimmer/Humorous Pearl **for her b-day, which was June 4!)

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A/N: This is my very first FB fic, so please be nice. Also, please do not review me saying: "They're not acting like themselves!" I am very aware of that. That is also why this has been categorized Humor/Humor. I also know the title doesn't make any sense. It'll be clear by the end. WARNING! This has no plot, whatsoever. If you hate plotless fics, press the back button now. 

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Narrator: It was a lovely morning when Sohma Yuki woke up to the sound of Shigure screaming and looked to his alarm clock, which was flashing 8:00 AM.

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Yuki: _(screams girlishly) _It's Monday and I have a school meeting at 9:00 AM! I must hurry!

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Narrator: And only God knows how Yuki managed to shower, dress, and fix his precious hair in only 10 minutes.

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Yuki: _(glares at Narrator) _I don't care *that* much about my hair.

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Narrator: I'm just doing my job! And if you don't care that much about your hair, what are all of those bottles of hair gel doing in the closet?

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Yuki: _(blushes) _Umm . . . they're not mine. They're . . . . . . . . . . Ayame's!!! 

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Narrator: You're such a terrible liar, Yuki. _(rolls eyes) _We all *know* that your older brother's hair is perfectly natural.

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Yuki: Okay, okay, they're mine! I confess! But it's only because Akito forces me to keep my hair exactly like his!

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Narrator: _(clears throat) _As I was saying, Yuki managed to somehow get ready for school in 10 minutes and headed for the door. But 3 people stood in his way.

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Tohru: Sohma-kun! You haven't eaten breakfast yet!

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Yuki: Gomen nasai, Honda-san. I have no time.

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Kyou: Yuki! Let's fight! This time, I'm sure I will defeat you!

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Yuki: _(irritated voice) _I have no time, baka neko. Maybe later.

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Shigure: YYUUKKKIIII!!!! Where is my lucky pen? You borrowed it yesterday, ne? I need it to heal my writer's block!

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Yuki: _(left eye goes *twitch-twitch*) _WHEN WILL YOU PEOPLE GET IT?!? IT'S ALREADY 8:15 AM!!! NOW I ONLY HAVE 45 MINUTES TO GET TO MY MEETING, ALL DUE TO THE MINDLESS BICKERING OF ALL OF YOU!!!

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(Yuki pushes past them all and rushes out of the door)

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Tohru/Kyou/Shigure: _(*blink-blink*) _What's with him?

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Narrator: As Yuki was running full speed towards his school, he passed by 4 people.

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Haru: Yuki, I lov-

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Yuki: Sorry, I have no time. _(rushes past him)_

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Akito: Yuki, I got a mo-

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Yuki: Sorry, I have no time. _(rushes past him)_

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Ayame: Yuki! Try th-

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Yuki: Sorry, I have no time. _(rushes past him)_

(Yuki crashes into Ritsu)

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Ritsu: _(goes all scary-looking) _I'M SO SORRY, YUKI!!! GOMEN NASAI!!! GOMEN NASAI!!! GOMEN NAS-

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Yuki: Sorry, I have no time. _(rushes past him)_

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Narrator: When Yuki finally reached the school, it was already 8:20 AM.

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Yuki: Wow, I managed to get here early and in 5 minutes. That's a record! ^_^

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Narrator: But what Yuki didn't know was that he forgot the room the meting was being held.

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Yuki: WHAT?!?

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Narrator: I said that-

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Yuki: I know what you said, you idiot! Oh, well, then I'll have to check every room in the school. I do have 40 minutes to spare, after all.

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Narrator: And so Yuki roamed the school, passing every door he was sure the meeting wasn't going to be held in. Suddenly, he came across a hallway he's never been through before. The doors in the mysterious hallway were numbered 1 through 10 and painted different colors.

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Yuki: Umm . . . can you please stop narrating everything that goes on in my life?

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Narrator: It's my job! ^_____________^ That's why my name is "Narrator".

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Yuki: Whatever . . .

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Narrator: Yuki reached the first door in the mysterious hallway. It was numbered 1 and was painted in a tye-dye fashion, with splatters of neon blue, neon green, neon red, neon pink, neon black . . .

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Yuki: Neon black?!

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Narrator: Yes, neon black.

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Yuki: But there is no such thing!

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Narrator: Yes there is.

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Yuki: No there isn't.

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Narrator: Is.

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Yuki: Isn't.

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Narrator: Is.

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Yuki: Isn't.

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Narrator: Is.

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Yuki: Isn't.

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Narrator: Is.

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Yuki: Isn't.

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Narrator: Is.

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Yuki: AAARRGGHHHHH!!!!! _(tackles Narrator to the floor)_

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Narrator: Okay, okay, there isn't such thing as neon black. You didn't have to get all violent.

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Yuki: _(he goes *humph*)_

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Narrator: Now, back to the story. Yuki cautiously reached for the door knob and turned it ever-so-slowly. He peeked in, having a feeling something bad was going to happen. And out of nowhere, a bunch of . . . things . . . appeared from inside door #1.

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Random-Screaming-Crazy-Obsessed-Insane-Lunatic-Maniacal-Yuki-Fan-Girls: YYYUUUKKKIII!!!! WWWEEEEE LLOOOOVVVEE YYYOOOOOUUUUU!!!!!

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Yuki: _(screams girlishly) _NNNNOOOO!!! 

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Narrator: And Yuki kept on screaming, occasionally cursing, and running up and down the hallway with the Random-Screaming-Crazy-Obsessed-Insane-Lunatic-Maniacal-Yuki-Fan-Girls right behind him.

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Random-Screaming-Crazy-Obsessed-Insane-Lunatic-Maniacal-Yuki-Fan-Girls: YYYUUUKKKIIII!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEKKKKKK!!!!!! GGGGEEETTT HHHIIIMMM!!!

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Narrator: When Yuki was finally able to gain control of himself and stop his immature behavior, he rushed for a door numbered 2 and painted crimson with little black hearts as designs.

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Yuki: _(rushes in door #2 and slams door behind him) (*pant-pant-pant*)_

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Narrator: After he caught his breath, Yuki looked around his new environment. The whole room was painted crimson. Even the furniture was crimson. Then out of nowhere, a person appeared.

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Yuki: Haru?

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Haru: _(in a nasty, evil voice) _You know what Yuki, I HATE being ignored. When you rushed past me mere minutes ago, I was left so heartbroken. I was professing my love to you, and all you could say was 'Sorry, I have no time . . .'? Well, that sort of thing deserves punishment. _(smiles wickedly)_

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Yuki: Black Haru . . . _(starts inching away, and heading for the door)_

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Narrator: For some strange reason, Haru kind of . . . um . . . teleported to the door, blocking Yuki's way.

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B. Haru: What you don't want to be punished? Ever since I knew you, I've known you like pain. Why backing off so soon? It only hurts at first . . .

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Yuki: Stupid cow . . .

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B. Haru: I'm not a cow! I'm an ox!

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Yuki: Whatever . . .

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Narrator: Black Haru suddenly jumped Yuki, and in doing so, pinned him to the ground.

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Yuki: GGGEETT OFFF!!!! GGGGGEEETTT OOOFFFF YYYYOOOOOUUU FFFFAAAATTT OOOOXXX!!!!!!!

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B. Haru: I promise . . . you won't regret this . . .

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Yuki: Umm . . . okay . . . you *are* talking about doing *that* with me . . . .am I right?

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B. Haru: _(nods) _Yeah, this is the only way I can truly show you how much I hate you, yet love you at the same time.

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Yuki: Oh, you should have told me before! I would have consented if you had told me we were going to screw! Yeah, I'm all right with that. Yup, no problem at all. Narrator, can you please get out?

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Narrator: Sure, I wouldn't want to invade you and Haru's *special* time together.

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Yuki: Oh, shut up and get out! _(throws one of Haru's very sexy boots at Narrator)_

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Narrator: Okay! Okay! I'm out! _(teleports into another fic)_

After 20 minutes of moans, groans, screams, and pleasure . . .

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Yuki: HHHHAAAARRRRUUUU!!!!!!!!

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B. Haru: YYYYUUUUKKKKIIII!!!!!!!!

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Yuki: _(*pant*) _That _(*pant*) _was _(*pant*) _amazing _(*pant*)_.

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B. Haru: _(grins wickedly) (*pant*) _I _(*pant*) _told _(*pant*) _you _(*pant*) _that _(*pant*) _you _(*pant*) _would _(*pant*) _like _(*pant*) _it _(*pant*) _.

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Yuki: Holy _(*pant*) _shit!

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B. Haru: What?

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Yuki: 20 minutes have past! Now it's 8:45 AM!!! I only have 15 more minutes!!!

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B. Haru: Then go. No point staying here and complaining.

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Yuki: _(sweatdrops) _Good point.

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Narrator: And so Yuki began to dress . . .

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Yuki: Narrator!!! Why are you here?! OOOOOOUUUUTTTT!!!!!!!

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Narrator: _(teleports away, but voice can still be heard) _After Yuki had put on all his clothes, he ran to the door. He quickly opened it, but closed it just as quickly when he saw what was outside.

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Random-Screaming-Crazy-Obsessed-Insane-Lunatic-Maniacal-Yuki-Fan-Girls: YYYYYUUUUUUUKKKKKIIIIIII!!!!!!! WWWEEEEE MMIIIISSSEEEED YYYYYOOOOUUU!!!!!!

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(Black Haru goes back to being white)

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Haru: Umm . . . Yuki? Why am I naked and what am I doing here?

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Yuki: Long story. Can you help me with the Random-Screaming-Crazy-Obsessed-Insane-Lunatic-Maniacal-Yuki-Fan-Girls?

Haru: Sure. _(walks outside . . . naked) _Hey girls, you know what? Your beloved Yuki just teleported to room #8!

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Random-Screaming-Crazy-Obsessed-Insane-Lunatic-Maniacal-Yuki-Fan-Girls: YYYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!! _(run down the hallway to room #8)_

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Yuki: Thank you, Hatsuharu.

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Haru: No problem.

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Narrator: Then, Yuki continued to walk down the hallway and came across a door numbered 3 that was pink with purple polka dots. Being the curious one he is, Yuki entered through the door, only to find one of the safest people in the world.

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Yuki: Tohru?

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Tohru: Sohma-kun! You need breakfast! Or else the day will not be the same! You need the energy! _(chases Yuki around the room with a tray of breakfast)_

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Yuki: TOHRU!!! I told you that I do not need breakfast!

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Narrator: Suddenly, Yuki tripped over something. After he tripped, he found himself on the floor being roughly force-fed by the oh-so-gentle Tohru.

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Tohru: Eat! You need the energy for the day! Or else you might pass out!

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Yuki: _(mouth full of rice balls and other things) _I donmtph washnt toosh eahdt.

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Narrator: Since Yuki could not speak properly due to the excessive amount of food in his mouth, I'll give you the translations. He just said 'I don't want to eat'. 

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Yuki: Yurmph shtiupoud Naiisatgor!!!!! Furgfck yoog!!!

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Narrator: Hmm . . . I think he said something along the lines of 'You stupid Narrator!!!!! Fuck you!!!' Well, Yuki, you better wash your little dirty mouth!

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Yuki: URSHG!

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Narrator: That's means 'ARGH!'.

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Tohru: Sohma-kun! You must eat! _(accidentally trips and Yuki just so happens to catch her)_

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Yuki: Oh, god. I hate being in my rat form. _(*sighs*)_

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Tohru: Yuki-kun! I'm very sorry.

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Narrator: And so Tohru hugged the transformed Yuki close to herself, saying many different forms of 'sorry' all through it. Before long, Yuki managed to get out of Tohru's embrace and skittered all the way to the exit.

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Yuki: I wonder where this door leads to . . . _(enters through a door with orange and green stripes)_

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Ritsu: (sees Yuki enter and goes all scary-looking . . . again) GOMEN NASAI, YUKI! I'M VERY SORRY FOR BUMPING INTO YOU EARLIER TODAY! IT IS ALL MY FAULT! I DO NOT DESERVE TO BE LOKED UPON SO KINDLY BY YOU! GOMEN NASAI!!!

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Yuki: _(sweatdrops) _Umm . . . it's okay, Ritsu. I forgive you. Everything is all right.

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Ritsu: NO IT IS NOT! (picks up the rat-Yuki and keeps screaming 'gomen nasai' at him)

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Narrator: Yuki then jumped out of Ritsu's hands and went out the door and ran into the hallway, rushing into the next door he saw, which happened to be a blackish-blue marbleized one.

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Akito: Yuki, my love, you just rushed past by me without checking out my new hair style.

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Yuki: Oh, god . . .

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Akito: Yes! It is true! I have . . . . . . . a Mohawk hair style! And you know what that mean! You must change your hair style to be just like mine! _(grins evilly . . . er . . . eviler)_

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Narrator: And so Akito, not being himself, chased poor Yuki around the room with a comb, some hair gel, some hair spray, and a bottle of glue.

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Yuki: Ha! You, will NEVER me, Akito! That's because my mouse form is much faster than my human form!

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Akito: _(stops chasing Yuki) _Really?

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Yuki: _(also stops running around room) _Really. _(suddenly changes back to his human form with a *poof*)_

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Narrator: Heh, spoke too soon. 

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Yuki: Oh, shut up!!!

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Akito: _(*gasp*) _Yuki, my dearest, why did you never tell me you had a larger *unit* than me!

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Yuki: _(*growls*) (checks watch) _Damn, you, Akito Sohma! Now, I only have 10 more minutes! It is already 8:50!

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Akito: Don't you understand, my Yuki . . . . I don't care! 

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Narrator: And so Yuki ran as fast as he could for the door. When he exited, he found a note on the floor. It said "MEETING WAS CHANGED TO 9:30". Yuki also found a pile of clothing on the floor. He threw them on himself without first checking how they looked on him.

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Yuki: Huh? Is there something wrong with what I'm wearing? _(runs to the boys' restroom and checks himself out in the full-length mirror)_

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Random-Guy-In-The-Bathroom: EEK! It's a girl! A girl in the boys' restroom! _(runs away)_

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Narrator: I told you something was wrong. Very wrong. You can tell by the *very* short skirt and the tight top.

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Yuki: Why me? Now, I have to choose between wearing this schoolgirl uniform or walking around stark naked.

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Narrator: I don't think anyone would appreciate you flashing them. _(mumbles: "maybe Haru would be an exception")_

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Yuki: Okay, okay, I'll stay in the outfit. 

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Narrator: Okay, back to the story . . . yeah, Yuki walked out of the boys' restroom calmly and entered the next room, which was in a grey and brown checker-board style. He knew he had enough time because the meeting was rescheduled.

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Kyou: Kso nezumi! Let's fight! You owe me one for this morning!

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Yuki: Not now, baka neko. Besides, I'm not in the proper clothing to fight. _(points to his clothing)_

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Kyou: _(notices the schoolgirl uniform for the first time) _AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Since you are so funny, kso nezumi, I will not hurt you.

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Yuki: Scared, now, huh?

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Kyou: _(gets all angry) _Scared! I'll show you!_ (prepares to hit Yuki)_

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Yuki: No, no, baka neko. You would never hit a girl, would you?

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Kyou: _(*mumbles*) _I guess . . .

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Yuki: Ha! So you cannot hit me! _(runs away quickly and enters a light blue-doored room . . . before Kyou finds out that he been fooled by the clever mouse . . . again)_

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Narrator: That was so mean of you to trick him like that!

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Yuki: Whatever . . .

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Shigure: YYYYYYUUUUUKKKKIIIIII!!!!

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Yuki: Shigure! Stop yourself now before you go on bitching and screeching about your damned "lucky" pen!

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Shigure: _(*glares*) _It IS lucky! And I need it to give my latest novel the perfect ending!

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Yuki: How about this: "And they lived happily ever after. The end."

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Shigure: Hmm . . . that would be good, but I STILL need my pen!

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Yuki: I don't have the accursed thing, Shigure! Now leave me alone!

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Shigure: _(takes out a wicker broom from god-knows-where) _Liar! I will get it out of you by means of force if I have to!

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Yuki: AAHHHH!! _(runs)_

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Narrator: And so Yuki ran out the door, with Shigure left behind and shaking his fist and the wicker broom. Then, he stopped in front of a door, which was a blinding yellow color and was marked as door #8.

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Yuki: AHH! My eyes! They burn!

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Narrator: Yeah, the color of the door *is* blinding . . .

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Yuki: Hmm . . . why does it feel like something bad is going to happen if I open this door?

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Narrator: Dunno. Maybe you should open it. That way, you can get it over with.

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Yuki: 'Kay. _(opens door slowly)_

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Random-Screaming-Crazy-Obsessed-Insane-Lunatic-Maniacal-Yuki-Fan-Girls: YYYYYUUUUUUKKKKKKIIIIIII!!!!!!!! WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU!!!!! _(they all start chasing from Yuki)_

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Yuki: _(screams girlishly) _ARGGH! _(one fat Random-Screaming-Crazy-Obsessed-Insane-Lunatic-Maniacal-Yuki-Fan-Girl jumps on Yuki) _a-a-a-ir . . . c-c-c-an't . . . . b-b-b-reathe . . . HELP!

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Narrator: I'm very sorry, Yuki, but I can't help. That would be against the code of the narrator: "Thou shall not meddle with another's affairs. It is not your business. Narrating is."

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Yuki: _*glares* *faints*_

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Momiji: Yuki! Hi! Why are you wearing a dress? Why is that fat Random-Screaming-Crazy-Obsessed-Insane-Lunatic-Maniacal-Yuki-Fan-Girl on top of you? Why have you passed out?

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Narrator: I think you better help him.

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Momiji: Okay! Ladies! Wouldn't you rather have Kyou instead of that Yuki-look-alike right there?

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Random-Screaming-Crazy-Obsessed-Insane-Lunatic-Maniacal-Yuki-Fan-Girls: _LOOK-ALIKE? AAAAHHHHH!!!!! KYOU!!! WHERE IS HE!!!!_

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Momiji: Oh, he's in room #6.

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Random-Screaming-Crazy-Obsessed-Insane-Lunatic-Maniacal-Yuki-Fan-Girls: _*turns into Random-Screaming-Crazy-Obsessed-Insane-Lunatic-Maniacal-**Kyou**-Fan-Girls*_

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Yuki: _*comes to* *looks around, seeing that there aren't any more fangirls* _Arigatou, Momiji.

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Momiji: No problem. Just give me a piece of candy, and we're even!

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Narrator: And so Yuki stuck his hand inside the pocket of the schoolgirl outfit. Unfortunately, there wasn't any candy there.

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Yuki: Gomen, Momiji, I do not have any candy.

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Momiji: NO CANDY! _*takes out a mallet and attempts to whack Yuki with it*_

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Yuki: _*dodges mallet* _Momiji! Please understand!

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Momiji: I need my candy!

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Yuki: _*starts running away* _I don't have any candy!

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Momiji: _*starts to cry* _YYYUUUUUKKKIII!

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Yuki: _*stops running and goes back to Momiji* _I'm very sorry for making you cry! What can I do to help you.

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Momiji: Just hold still. _*whacks Yuki with mallet* _There, we're even.

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Narrator: So Momiji walked away, leaving me and an unconscious Yuki alone to together in the empty hallway.

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10 minutes later

Narrator: Yes, and I am still here with the unconscious Yuki and-- 

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Yuki: Narrator! What has happened?

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Narrator: Oh, nothing.

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Yuki: *checks watch* Ah! It is 9:10! I must keep searching for the correct room in which the meeting is to be held!

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Narrator: Yuki then rushed for the next door, which was marked #9. It was also colored puke green.

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Yuki: It's lime green!

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Narrator: Puke green!

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Yuki: Lime green!

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Narrator: Puke green!

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Yuki: Lime green!

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Narrator: Puke green!

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Yuki: Lime green!

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Narrator: Puke green!

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Yuki: Lime green!

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Narrator: Fine, fine, it's lime green. Geez, what's with you and the proper naming of colors? That's the second time today!

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Yuki: Whatever . . . 

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Narrator: Then Yuki opened the door to reveal . . .

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Yuki: Ayame! What are you doing here?

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Ayame: Why should I talk about that? I'd rather talk about that lovely outfit you're wearing!

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Yuki: Please, brother, don't remind me of it.

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Ayame: Why not? It's perfectly fine, even though it could do with a little fixing-up . . .

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Yuki: Shut up! I must get to my meeting!

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Ayame: This will only take a while, okay? _*strips Yuki of his clothes and starts fixing it*_

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Narrator: I guess you'll have to walk around naked.

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Yuki: ARGH!!! _*sigh* _I'll just stay and wait for Ayame to finish up.

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20 minutes later

Yuki: Ayame! My meeting is supposed to be now! Can you hurry it up?!

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Ayame: There, I'm all done!

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Yuki: _*puts on clothes without looking at the changes* _C'mon, Narrator, let's go!

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Narrator: Yeah . . . sure . . . and so we ran out of room #9 and headed for a white door marked Meeting Room (#10) . Yuki opened the door to find someone in there already.

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Hatori: Yuki, the meeting was cancelled.

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Yuki: WHAT?!?! I CAME ALL THIS WAY FOR NOTHING!

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Hatori: That's right.

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Yuki: NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! _*faints*_

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Narrator: _*looks to Hatori* _Don't mind him. He's been through a lot.

**__**

5 minutes later . . .

Yuki: *comes to* Huh?

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Hatori: Yuki, I must give you your annual vaccination. _*holds up syringe*_

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Yuki: AAHHH!!! _*runs*_

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Narrator: Yuki then ran out the door and into the hallway. He stopped at door #2, panting.

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Haru: _*opens door from inside* *still naked* _Hey, Yuki, what's up?

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Yuki: _*pant* _Hatori _*pant* _is _*pant* _after me _*pant* _with a syringe _*pant*._

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Haru: _*turns into black Haru* _Is that so, my Yuki?

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Yuki: _*pant* _Shut up and save me!

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B. Haru: Maybe . . . if you allow me to screw you so hard again, that you'll be limping the whole week.

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Hatori: _*is running and is coming towards Yuki* _You must get your vaccination!

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Yuki: Ah . . . horny Haru or vaccination . . . . horny Haru or vaccination . . . I'll go with horny Haru. _*steps into room with Haru and locks door*_

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Hatori: Dammit.

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Narrator: Yeah, dammit.

**__**

THE END

OoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

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QOC: That was . . . stupid and weird. Oh, well. I tried. Anyways, bring on the reviews! Tell me what y'all be thinkin' bout this! But if you're going to criticize it, please do so nicely. 

Any event, HAPPY B-DAY **Agent Cloud Skimmer/Humorous Pearl**! I know this is a late b-day present, but I couldn't get online yesterday to post it up. Also, where have you been? I haven't seen you at school for a while. I hope everything's okay. Bye!


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